Into the Unknown

It's Been Such a Long Time That I've Been without You...

2010-02-15T17:14:00.002-06:00

So here's an update on my life as well as my training. I had a few people ask me about being in the Mercedes half-marathon this year, and all I could give were vague answers; however, I have decided to give an explanation in hopes that this info could possibly help someone else who might be struggling or has struggled with these same issues. Basically I gave up on myself a few months ago. I convinced myself that I couldn't complete a half-marathon again, so why even bother trying. I quit running. I quit eating right. I just gave up. A few weeks ago, I began training for a marathon. Two weeks in, I gave up again. Today I started thinking about why I did this. Why am I sabotaging myself? The answer starts about 3 years ago.

I had just completed 2 years of school and decided I wanted to go to a new school. During this transition, my plans kind of fell apart, and I ended up staying home for a semester and going to a local school. I was very down on myself for giving up going to school in Tennessee and closed myself off from everyone. My mom was also in Iraq at the time, so I was living home by myself making it very easy to isolate myself. I cried a lot. I ended up going to a counselor and was diagnosed with mild depression and was put on anti-depressants for 6 months. This actually was one of the best things that ever happened to me. The medicine helped me see life a lot more clearly. See, I'm an irrational person and I always see how things can go wrong, which isn't bad until you see to the extreme degree how things can go wrong. I don't respond well to change, and everything was changing so suddenly. As I was thinking about this time in my life today, I realized why I gave up on running.

Back in May, I started a new job, then moved out on my own. This freedom was much different than the freedom I experienced in college. I became solely responsible for every decision I made. I no longer could rely on someone else to get me through things. Even though I know my family will always be there to help me out, they were no longer my crutch. It's a weird kind of freedom. This major change just rocked my world in a way I didn't expect, and I didn't even realize that's what was going on until this week. I didn't respond well to change. Although I do not think that I'm in the same type of depression as I was 3 years ago, I think there is still something off chemically. Actually I think it's more of a hormonal imbalance that I've always had (sorry if that's too much info). I've decided to go ahead and go to the doctor to see about some options. There is nothing wrong with me, but I could be better. I'm hoping this will help someone out there who might be struggling with the same thing. Life can be hard, and if there's a way to make it a little easier I'm all for it :)

Having said that, I ran 2 miles today and it was wonderful! I'm glad I convinced myself to get back out there.

Congrats to all my friends who ran the Mercedes races this weekend! Ya'll are awesome, and I'm truly jealous that I didn't make it up there to celebrate your finishes and run alongside you.

Christa

1st Long Run of Marathon Training

2010-01-30T20:10:00.002-06:00

My first long run was 4 miles. I really enjoyed my run today! It was soooo cold, though. The first mile of a cold day is always the hardest, bc you have to get your body temp up and convince yourself that you have a reason for getting out in the freezing cold and running. I reminded myself of the half-marathon I ran last year and how wonderful it felt hearing my name as I crossed the finish line then receiving my medal. I was so extremely happy that months of hard work paid off. Those moments get me through the rough days and especially the days that it's supposed to be 45 degrees outside but the wind makes it 25. All in all, today was a great running day. I also felt like I could keep running and running, but I opted to finish the 4 miles and walk a mile. Of course, I'm feeling it now, so I think I'll take a long hot bath to relax my muscles. Tomorrow is recovery run day, then week 2 starts Monday :)

3 miles

2010-01-26T10:34:00.002-06:00

Today was my first run of marathon training. I went to Shakespeare park and ran the trail all around the park. I learned a valuable lesson today that you should never do a serious run at Shakespeare after it has been raining and hasn't had time to dry up. I got pretty muddy. My pretty running shoes are now stained with mud :( Mud seeped into my shoes at one point and got my brand new hot pink socks muddy also. The price of running. My run was pretty good. I kept having to stop to get around the puddles and mud, because I was afraid of falling and getting completely muddy. My aches of the day: My left calf is super sore and my right big toe feels funny, but it usually feels a little strained after I run. I promise, I'll figure out a way to make these entries a little more exciting. I'm watching The Soup, which is distracting me!

Day 1

2010-01-25T09:23:00.002-06:00

Today was the first day of marathon training. I did 30 minutes on the elliptical. Running actually starts tomorrow. I am thankful for weekly cross training sessions, since it breaks up the pain of logging miles and allows the muscles to work differently. I love ellipticals, but they can be boring. To break up the monotony, I do the interval training workout, which consists of 2 minutes at low resistance and two minutes at high resistance. I alternate going forwards and backwards every 4 minutes just to work different muscles and to break up the monotony. I also like to bust out in dance moves while doing low resistance. That took years of balance control on the elliptical to figure out by the way! Today's musical selection was Kings of Leon "Only the Night." Such a good cd. Not a running cd, but not a bad elliptical cd.

I need to start stretching. I absolutely hate stretching. I don't know why. Maybe it's just because it's boring. I don't know. I do need to start implementing this in my daily routine. I even bought some yoga blocks and stretch bands to help me out. Hopefully, I'll start using them. I know the benefits of stretching, and I know how good I feel afterwards. I just don't like doing it. Any tips??

Well that's all for now!

Proposed Running Schedule for the Week

2010-01-23T19:14:00.002-06:00

I'm on vacation from work this week, which will make this week a good time to start my training and get over some of the pain and fatigue of starting out.

Monday: Cross train--I will be using the elliptical at my apartment's gym. I love that thing!
Tuesday: 3 mile easy run
Wednesday: 2 mile easy run
Thursday: 3 mile easy run
Friday: Rest! Best day of the week! Lol
Saturday: 4 mile long run
Sunday: 2 mile recovery run

That gives me a total of 14 miles for the week. I'll keep you posted on my runs with my times and how I felt during each one.

It's Been a While

2010-01-23T18:09:00.003-06:00

I have decided to start training for a marathon, and I finally came across a plan to help me accomplish this task. I'm still trying to figure out a particular race to run. I'm hoping if I write about my experience, it will help keep me motivated and encouraged. I have a love hate relationship with running, and I refuse to act like I don't have difficult training days. I will write about the good and the bad and will try not to hold back. I know there are several runners out there who will appreciate the truth. I read the truth of your struggles and triumphs, and I know you expect the same of me. Monday is day 1 of training. Pretty much the next several weeks/months will consist of the following:
Mondays: Cross training
Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays: Easy runs, mixed with some tempo runs
Fridays: Rest!
Saturdays: Long runs
Sundays: Recovery runs

I have one more day of motivating myself to start!

What to do???

2009-11-06T20:41:00.002-06:00

I'm at the point in my life where I wake up every day wondering what the heck it is that I'm doing with my life. I have a degree. I'm working on my Master's. I keep thinking that I'm not going to find a job in my field, and I'm not even sure that I want a job in this field anymore anyway. Then I just think...Wow, I've spent so much money and time working on these degrees, and I may never use them. Hmmm. It's slightly depressing, but I just don't know what I want to do. I'm working on my personal trainer certification, and I know that's something I really want to pursue. There's just that nagging voice in my head asking why I'm not using my degree. Ugh. I don't have much left to finish my Master's, so I hate quitting. At the same time, working on it has become a chore rather than something I actually want to do. So do I keep working on it or do I just give up and maybe the passion will come back later? I really just want to help people, and I don't even really care what that looks like. What I mean is that I don't care if that means giving out clothes, food, providing shelter, talking about Jesus, or any number of things. I just want to work with people and make this world a little better. I fear working in a church or parachurch will not get this accomplished even though that should be where most of the giving takes place. The church has just become such a negative place for people. I want to start a ministry that gives to people's basic needs and builds relationships in order to talk to them about Jesus. People are more likely to listen if you show actual interest in their lives and if they see that you actually live what you believe. I guess that kind of gives me a direction. It's just still so broad. Here are the things I'm passionate about: Jesus, children, helping people, exercise, food/nutrition, and education. Now I just have to figure out a job that uses these passions and my gifts and talents. Well, enough of that. I have to get some studying done.

Christa

Week 2, well sort of

2009-09-28T18:58:00.002-05:00

So this is week 2 of p90x. Actually I'm kind of starting over...let me explain. Towards the end of last week, I was so sore and tired and pretty much done with p90x, when it hit me that it's ok to take a break. I decided that I would just use last week as a test week to get conditioned to the workouts so I can go hardcore this week. I took 2 days off, which was a great idea. My body had time to rest and recover, and I didn't feel like quitting any longer. When I started over yesterday, I was actually excited about doing the workouts. I now know better which weights to use and how many reps to perform. I do plyometrics tonight, which I dread. I'm not a huge fan of jumping all over the place. Last week when I did this workout, after 10 minutes I wanted to quit, but I kept saying just a few more exercises. After an hour of coaxing myself every 10 minutes, I made it through the entire workout. This was actually the DVD that kicked my butt and made me sore for the rest of the week. I am determined tonight not to get discouraged by this one workout and take more breaks. After all, I have 90 days to be able to fully do the workout, so why am I trying to make that happen right now?

I have also started my half-marathon training for the Mercedes half in February. Between p90x and running and work and school, I have no life...j/k. I'm learning time management and what my priorities are. Well, that's a long enough break. Off to write a paper :)

1 down...89 to go

2009-09-21T22:05:00.002-05:00

I just completed day 1 of p90x, and it's definitely going to be a loooong 90 days. Most of you know that I have struggled with weight issues in the past and have lost 50 pounds over the past year and a half. I have become an avid runner and can run various distances. I also weight train and cross train. I thought I was pretty in shape, and I am but p90x kicked my butt on day 1. I did the chest and back and ab workouts today. I knew chest and back would be difficult, but I didn't expect the ab workout to be as tough. I do Pilates and Yoga, so I thought I had a pretty decent core. Ha. The ab workout is 16 minutes of complete toture. By the end, I couldn't do the moves completely, so I was doing everything modified and not doing all the reps. It's just day 1, so I'm hoping by the end that I can complete all the reps in proper form. I'm not discouraged at all, but I really didn't know how difficult it would be. Tomorrow is plyometrics. I do some plyometrics to help with my running, and quite honestly I very much loathe plyometrics. I'm not super excited about a whole workout involving plyometrics, but I'm going to do my best. I'm going to bed with shaky muscles and hoping that I don't hurt too bad tomorrow.

p90x

2009-09-21T15:48:00.002-05:00

So it's been quite a while since I have updated, and much has happened. For now, I'm just going to start with the latest development in my life...p90x. I am starting this 90 day journey tonight, and I'm really excited and extremely nervous. I have heard great things about this program, and I really want to achieve amazing results. My problem is that I tend to start these types of programs then get burned out and quit. I am determined to do the full 90 days, though. I'm actually doing it with some co-workers, so we're going to keep each other accountable and possibly meet once a week to motivate each other. I think blogging about the journey will help also. Here's to day 1. I'll let you know how it goes :)

Wanting What I Can't Have

2009-02-13T11:27:00.002-06:00

Life seems to be full of many more wants than needs. These wants are typically things we can't have or at least can't have at the moment. I tend to be in this situation quite frequently, then I get what I want and maybe it's not as good, so it gets discarded, then I want it again. I'm left wondering why I do this. For instance, I'm single, and I want to be dating, then I date someone, and I want to be single. Then I realize that I really do want to be with that person, but I can't, which makes it even harder. Why don't I want to want Jesus this much? Why am I constantly seeking after things I can't have and not seeking the thing that I do have? Jesus is saying, "Here I am! You will only find satisfaction and contentment in Me. Why aren't you seeking me? Why are you so distracted by all these wants when you have absolutely everything you need right here in front of you?" So will I surrender to the things of the world or to my Savior?

EEK

2009-02-11T09:36:00.002-06:00

The half-marathon is in 4 days, and I'm really excited and pretty nervous. People keep asking my goal time, and I do have one but I really just want to finish. This is the culmination of 8 months of training! Honestly, I'm ready to just run to run without worrying about training. The training has been fun but stressful. It will be nice to just go for a run without worrying about time and distance and all the other variables involved in running. I'm sure this won't last long. I've become pretty competitive about this whole running thing, and I want to improve my times and get better form and everything. I'm sure I'll start training again soon, but for now it will be nice to enjoy these wonderful afternoons by taking a short run with my dog. Stay tuned for the half-marathon running narrative that will commence once it's all over! Please pray for me on Sunday! I'm going to need all the support I can get. If you happen to be downtown Sunday at 7am (and I know you all are, haha) stop by to see those of us who are running!

Late night thoughts

2009-02-04T23:21:00.004-06:00

I have had the same discussion with several people today and have yet to come anywhere near a conclusion, and I actually don't know that I will ever come to a conclusion. I have struggled and wrestled with the ideas of Predestination and Free Will ever since I first heard that it was an issue way back in my freshman year of college. Some days, I feel like I have the answer or at least the answer I can live with, but then the next day, it all gets fuzzy and confusing. I know that God does not cause confusion, and perhaps this is an issue thought up by Satan to throw a wrench in every Christian's thought process. I don't actually believe that, but it's my blog and I can say whatever I want! I do believe when discussing this issue with others, it must be out of love and understanding and should never cause division, because Satan could use these types of discussions as a stumbling block.

Having said that...

I believe I have figured out my biggest issue behind predestination. I struggle believing in predestination, because I struggle with God's love for me. In order for God to choose me, he would have to love every dirty part of me. Don't get me wrong, I know God loves me unconditionally, and He loves me despite my sin and filth; however, getting that knowledge from my head to my heart is a constant conflict. Unconditional love is a hard concept for me to grasp, because in my life love has frequently been used as a tool for manipulation. I had to be perfect in order to receive love, which is why I'm a perfectionist and why I work very hard to get people to like me. I also work hard to get God to like and accept me. I know Christianity and salvation is not works based, but it is an issue in my life. I feel more comfortable saying that I chose God the day I was saved than saying that He chose me above someone else to share in the glory of heaven. Why am I more worthy for Heaven and God's graces than someone else? I have several other issues concerning predestination, but the main one seems to be my struggle with God's unconditional love for me. This may not make any sense, but it's something I'm working through with my Savior guiding me.

Nancy Pelosi never ceases to amaze me

2009-01-26T10:29:00.002-06:00

Over the past year, I have gotten really interested in politics, so every now and then I'll have to blog about current events/politics.

I recently came across an interesting way to save money in the United States. I was quite shocked when I read these words from Nancy Pelosi.

"We have to deal with the consequences of the downturn in our economy." You may be thinking, "That's not so shocking. In fact, that's quite true." Yes, we do need to take responsibility for our gross spending, our need to keep up with the Joneses by accumulating massive credit card debt and buying houses that cost more than what we make in lifetime. If someone spent too much money, they should face the consequences (even though businesses and banks are receiving a bailout...that's a completely separate issue for another day). We very much have a responsibility to budget and spend money wisely. I mean, whatever happened to saving money?? Anyway, I digress.

Back to Nancy Pelosi's statement:
Apparently she wasn't talking about making the government save money by not going through with the bailout nor was she advocating that we as a people be more responsible with our finances. Nancy Pelosi's great solution to the problems of the economy is ABORTION! Are you kidding me?! She advocates abortion as a means to save the economy. How does this work? Well, the national government gives the state's money to perform abortions. If someone decides that they don't want to go through with their pregnancy, just take a stroll down to your local abortion clinic and have him/her (no, the baby is not an "it" even at conception) taken care of. Getting rid of unwanted children saves tax payers and the government money by cutting down the cost of welfare and health care. I'm so glad we're advocating murder as a means to save money. I find it funny that this same woman is very much opposed to the death penalty even though prisons are overcrowded and it costs more to take care of prisoners than it does to take care of a child.

She says:
"Well, the family planning services reduce cost. They reduce cost. The states are in terrible fiscal budget crises now and part of what we do for children’s health, education and some of those elements are to help the states meet their financial needs. One of those - one of the initiatives you mentioned, the contraception[i.e. abortion], will reduce costs to the states and to the federal government."

When asked if she gives any apologies for this, she says:
"No apologies. No. We have to deal with the consequences of the downturn in our economy. Food stamps, unemployment insurance, some of the initiatives you just mentioned.[Basically she's saying that these companies with their excessive spending caused the things she mentioned, yet they get a bailout and we kill innocent children in the process.] What the economists have told us from right to left: There is more bang for the buck, a term they use, by investing in food stamps and in unemployment insurance than in any tax cut. Nonetheless, we are committed to the tax cuts because they do have a positive impact on the economy, even though not as big as the investments."
We're committed to giving money to companies who grossly mismanaged their money, yet we are not willing to invest in the lives of poor, helpless children who did not make the choice of being conceived. Now we can continue to bailout the irresponsible, yet this time the bailout costs human lives. Instead of punishing the cause of the economic downturn, we are preventing it from happening further by killing children who would be using the food stamps and health care, because their parents are irresponsible for having unprotected sex and mooching off the system. Why not give the food stamps and healthcare to the children and take it away from the irresponsible parents. Once again, the national government has come up with another "quick-fix" to a problem. First a bailout and now murder. These are obviously the only 2 options out there. Good job Nancy! I'm glad you did you homework!

33 Days Until the Half-Marathon

2009-01-12T09:30:00.002-06:00

33 days from now on February 15th, I will be running my first half-marathon! I'm very excited! I have a running blog (http://christalee.wordpress.com/) that documents my training for this event, so check that out.

I'm gearing up for a new semester, which is always fun but definitely stressful. I have more on my plate now than I ever have. I rarely have time to stop and breathe, but I wouldn't change my life at all. It's definitely crazy and chaotic, but I'm so blessed. I just wrote a lengthy running blog, so this one will be short. I'm just trying to get organized and stay that way, so my life will be less stressful and I'll have more time to do fun stuff. I'll post something more exciting later. Check out the running blog for now!

Thoughts on a Rainy Day

2009-01-05T10:26:00.000-06:00

As I journey through this thing called life, I realize that I do not belong here, but I have been placed here for a specific purpose. I long to be with my Father and bask in the amazing awesomeness that is the Triune God. I yearn for the day when I can sit in my Savior's presence and truly worship Him in a perfect and pure worship without guilt or doubt. I truly long to be without pain, or anger, or trials, and to be in a place where suffering no longer exists and where it doesn't matter what you look like or how much you own. The only thing that matters is worshipping the One who created each of us, the One who sent His Son to die so that I might sit in His presence. In thinking about this picture and the hope that I one day have, I realize how much more urgent I need to be in telling others about Christ. Others need to have the same longing I have and need to know that their suffering will one day end. I'm haunted by the question "If I truly love God as much as I say I do, then why am I not telling everyone I meet about the hope that I have, which is the hope they too can have?" Why do my actions not line up with my words? Do my thoughts even match up to what I say? What will I do about this question that clangs through my ears and pervades my entire being? I could either let it continue to drag me down and make me feel guilty, or I could actually do something about it and truly live my words. This is a daily choice, and sometimes and hourly choice. I make this choice every time I encounter an individual. I choose who I will tell about Christ, which is a flawed system. I shouldn't pick and choose, but I should proclaim this to everyone. After all, Jesus didn't pick and choose based on who He liked or who looked nice or who contributed the most money. He chose all. How can I be choosy, when the Creator of the universe humbled Himself to save all?